Doing Nothing.

Quite enjoyment

could be 

the highest form of 

pleasure.

*

Today,

one of the 

most pitiable handicaps

is 

the

 inability

to 

do nothing

and 

be happy 

doing nothing.

*

Can you 

relax

into 

sheer pleasure?

I couldn't

and

I'm still learning.

*

After the declaration of my 

'long holiday',

I was an overstressed 24 year old

who had

 no more

deadline to beat,

no more 

obligations,

no more

 meetings to attend,

no more

targets to achieve,

no more 

campaigns to launch,

no more 

parties to host,

no more

events to plan,

but simply

 could not 

relax.

I've been summoned by 

the doctor to 

'rest',

a word so foreign to me

it might as well be a vulgarity.

I was hopeless

in resting!

I detested

 the idea of it.

Relaxing, staying-in, taking a nap

were abominable activities I never scheduled

for myself.

I was a devoted believer 

that those were

 boring, bland and mediocre.

It's got to be 

excellence, excellence, excellence.

Never,

I used to think to myself,

would I allow myself to wind down

 and

 live a simple life.

How I despised 

relaxation,

it was my enemy for sure!

Having lived a childhood

of self-imposed hectic schedule of

projects, 

targets 

[eg. I set deadlines for mastering finger-snapping, tongue-rolling and arm-folding at 3],
and an on-going list of what's the next extra-curricular activities to sign up for,

I grew up

into a woman who

goes to bed creating the week's 

to-do list,

travel in the train reviewing the 

to-do list,

check back on the 

to-do list

during pockets of free time

and 

tick the little hand-drawn squares

and 

admire my daily personal report of

 mission-accomplishments.

That was the sort of 

obsessive pleasure

 I sought for.

A 

tick.

An 

achievement.

Many ticks.

Many achievements.

And that made Valerie

 gleefully believe 

she was living a 

productive, excellent life.

I thought 

I was living it up.

Now, 

I realize

 it was just my 

ego.

Performance and achievements 

were her favorite foods.

How

 she binged on them everyday.

And how 

she suffered the

indigestion, bloating and pain

of it all.

With no health to continue

scurrying about round the clock

thinking she's an ultra efficient, excellent, high-achiever superwoman,

now is the time 

to 

surrender

 and

submit herself to

 learn the

 art of rest.

*

Could she handle 

facing the foe of her past?

How are they doing now?
Is it getting ugly...?

Did she survive it?

Can she rest already?

How has doing nothing helped her be happy doing nothing?

*

[to be continued]

*