Dear Body.

New level,

new devils -

and the

 most evil one

could be

just

you,

your

ego.

*

Your body

doesn't 

lie.

When your 

soul,

your

 heart, mind and will

have been

functioning off tangent,

your body will send you

feedback - 

lethargy,

weight-loss/weight-gain,

aches,

cramps,

skin breakouts,

numbness...

Your body tells you,

'Okay, time to take precautions.

Something's not right.

Change whatever you're doing,

please!'

Ignore it

after awhile,

the ugly 

will show up

without caution,

at the most inconvenient time.

Your body 

doesn't care

 what impressive plans you have

for your career.

It doesn't flinch

upon your greatest visions and dreams

if you don't

give the care it deserves.

So this is a letter

to Valerie's body.

I have so much to tell her:

Dear Body,

thanks for loving me so much

you chose to shut down

before I tortured you further.

I'm sorry 

for all the years

of overlooking 

how important you are 

to me.

Past months,

you have convinced me

that 

without a healthy body,

I will never live the purposes

I live for

the dreams, visions and passions

that wake me up every morning.

Past months,

I've been learning how to 

love you back.

When you love someone,

you will take time 

to listen 

to her.

I was deaf 

to 

what you've been trying to tell me

during my wonder-woman days.

No, 

I actually muted you out.

I remember those days

when you told me 

you

needed 

to stop running,

I pushed you 

on just because

I 

wanted

 to finish first
 in all the 2.4km run practices in school.
I 
wanted
to prove 
that I'm athletic.

Many times,

you vomited and blacked out in the bathroom.

Next day,
I made you run again, 
harder, faster.

When 

you

needed 

to lie down and sleep,

I didn't allow you 

near the bed

until the witching hours

because 

I 

wanted

to beat self-imposed and advanced deadlines

so I could reinforce 

my

 image 

of being a

value-adder

who gets things done

and ultimately
enjoy a brief ecstasy of achievement
and

bask in this admirable reputation.

When 

you

 needed

to drink water,

I 

deprived 

you from it

because

I 

wanted

to avoid water retention -
which was utter rubbish!

When

you needed

comfort,

I punished

you

because 

I 

wanted

you to be

just the way I wanted you to be:

supersonic, ultra-disciplined, fantastic

and

EXTRAORDINARY

in every way.

How I lusted for the

EXTRA

in everything.

I thought I was 

doing you a

 favor.

What I really did

was to

let my ego

 become your

worst torturer

who

 never spared you

the care you always needed.

I inflicted countless offenses
on you
that are too cruel for me to
detail them right now.

Please forgive me.

I will be kinder to you.

I really want to.

To do so,

I must deal with

my ego,

I must deal with my 

'I'.

I've learned so much about her

past months.

I saw her 

true colors.

She isn't that great after all.

Promise to tell you more 

about

ego

the next time.

For now,

go ahead and make yourself a 

warm cup of chamomile tea,

enjoy some spa music

and

slather some moisturizer on your chapped hands

and 

sore feet after that Body Combat class.

You did really well

today

and 

I can feel 

that you're

getting stronger.

I love you.

Goodnight.'

*

[to be continued]