Their Thoughts.

What

other people

think of 

you

is 

none 

of 

your

business.

*

Life

is too short

to

care

about 

little things

like these.

*

Pause & Honour.

[an excerpt from The Value of Ritual in your Workday by Peter Bregman;
he begins by describing a particular scene in The Last Samurai movie]

Sitting at a low table,
he moved deliberately, singularly focused on his tea. He contemplated it. Then poured it. Then sipped it, tasted it, and, finally, swallowed it.

This, I realized, was the source of the samurai's strength.
His acrobatics were impressive, but they were merely a demonstration of his strength. The source was this tea ritual and many other rituals like it. His power as a warrior came from his patience, precision, attention to subtlety, concentration, and his reverence for the moment.

The

power of ritual

is

profound

and

under-appreciated.

Mostly, I think, it is because

we live in a

time-starved culture,

and

ritual is

time-indulgent.

Who can afford

the luxury of

doing

one thing

at

a time?

Who has

the patience

to

pause and honour

an activity

before and after

we do it?

We all

should.

Religions understand and leverage the power of ritual.

In Judaism,

blessings are as plentiful as iPhone apps.

Wake up?

There's a blessing for that.

Wash your hands?

There's a blessing for that.

Experience something new?

Eat a meal?

Go to the bathroom?

There's a blessing for each one.

Every religion I know has similar practices to

 make our

experience

of the world

sacred.

Which might be why we avoid ritual in the business world.

Religion is so loaded, so personal.

But

ritual doesn't have to be religious;

it's just a tool religions use.

Rituals are about

paying attention.

They're about

stopping for a moment

and

noticing

what you're about to do,

what you've just done,

or both.

They're about

making the most of

a particular moment.

And that's something

we could use a lot more of in

the business world.

Imagine

if we started each meeting with

a recognition

of the power of bringing a group of people together

to collaborate and an intention to dedicate ourselves,

without distraction, to achieving the goals of the meeting.

Perhaps even

an acknowledgement

that

each person's

views, goals, and priorities

are

important

and

need to be heard.

 Of course, that would require that every meeting have a clear goal, an agenda, and a purpose. But those are just nice side benefits.

What if

every performance review

began with a short thought about the importance of clear and open communication?

If

every time

we worked on

a

spreadsheet

someone else created for us,

we paused

to

acknowledge the complexity

of the work

she did

and

the attention to detail

she brought to it?

If

at the beginning of the day

 we paused to honor

the work

we are about to do

and

the people

with whom we are about to do it?

Here's what makes it easy to get started with this: no one needs to know.

Start with just

yourself

Sit at your desk in the morning,

pause before booting up your computer,

and

mark the moment.

Do this by

taking a deep breath.

Or by arranging your pens.

Whatever it is,

do it with

the intention of

creating respect

for what you're about to begin.

Do the same before you make a phone call. Or receive one.

Or before you meet with a colleague or customer.

Each time we

pause, notice, and offer respect

for an activity,

 it reminds us to

appreciate and focus on

what we're about to do.

And by

elevating each activity,

we'll take it

more seriously.

We'll get

more pleasure

from it.

The people with whom we work will

feel more respected.

And we'll feel more self-respect.

Which means

we'll

work better

with each other.

And produce

better results.

That focus will help us

accomplish our tasks

more carefully,

more proficiently, and

more productively,

with fewer distracting under-the-table BlackBerry texts.

And all the research shows that

 that kind of

singular focus

will make us

far more efficient.

In other words,

 that

time-indulgent ritual thing?

It might just be the

perfect antidote

to a

time-starved world.

*

.

Caring Contact.

'If we

don't

ease

each other's stress

through

caring contact,

we will all be

increasingly

distressed.'

Dr. Bruce Perry, leading child psychiatrist

and co-author of Born for Love: Why Empathy is Essential - and Endangered

*

'While we are

born

for love,

we need to

receive

it

in certain, specific ways in

early life

to  benefit most

from

its

mercy.

We need to

practice

love

as we grow through

difficult social experiences

to best be able to

give it back

in

abundance.

The brain becomes

what it does most frequently

-

it is

shaped

everyday

by

what we

do

-

and what we

don't.

If we don't

practice

empathy,

we can't be

more

emphatic.

If we don't

interact

with people,

we can't

improve

our connections

to them.

If we don't

ease

each other's stress

through

caring contact,

we will all be

increasingly

distressed.'

*

Responsivity & Morals.

Children

who get
more

touch and affection

during
infancy

turn out to be

kinder,

more
intelligent

and

more
caring
 about others.

*

Kids

who were

held more

by their parents,

whose

cries

received quick responses

in

infancy

were
more
disciplined

without

corporal punishment

and

were
more

emphatic

when they grow older.

[A research discovery by Notre Dame Psychology 2010 -
children surveyed were from the US and China]

*



Remember Death.

For 38 years, 

Steve Jobs 

asks himself 

when he brushes his teeth 

in the morning,

'If today were 

the 

last day 

of my life,

would 

I want to do 

what I am about to do 

today?'

There was a time 

when everything Apple touched
did not turn into gold.

Jobs shares his thoughts on 

Death

and 

how keeping it 

in mind

helped him 

truly live.

I've picked out attention-worthy chunks

from his speech at the Stanford University graduation ceremony in 2005.

Though it's now five years,

these nuggets of truths are 

timeless life skills

we could consider picking up for ourselves:

*

Remembering 

I'll be dead soon

is the most

important tool

I've ever encountered 

to help me make big choices in life.

In the 

face of death, 

all 

external expectations, 

all 

pride,

all 

fear of embarrassment 

or

failure

just 

fall away -

leaving only what is

truly important.

Remembering 

that 

you are going to die

is the best way

to avoid 

the trap of thinking

you have something to 

lose.

You are already 

naked.

There's no reason 

not

to 

follow your heart.

*

No one 

wants to 

die.

And 

yet death is 

the 

destination 

we all share.

No one has ever escaped it

and 

that is as it should be

because

Death

is very likely

the best invention of 

Life. 

It is Life's

change agent.

It clears out

the 

old

to 

make way

for the 

new.

Right now

the new

is

you

but 

someday 

not too long from now,

you will 

gradually become the

old

and be

cleared away.

Sorry to be so 

dramatic,

but it is true.

Your time is 

limited

so 

don't waste it 

living 

someone else's 

life.

Don't be trapped by 

dogma,

which is 

living with

 the results of 

other people's thinking.

Don't let the 

noise 

of 

others' opinions

drown out 

your own 

inner voice.

And most importantly, 

having the 

courage 

to

follow your heart 

and 

intuition.

They somehow 

already know 

what you truly 

want 

to become. 

* 

Dare You.

One

isn't always

the

loneliest

number.

*

What

would you 

do

if

what people

thought of you

don't

matter?

*

Let People Feel.

We

don't have 

to

be happy

to

feel good.

*

One of the

worst

birthday messages

is,

'Stay

happy!'

And

it spans to a spectrum of

'Stay

beautiful!

Stay

cool!'

This contributes

to 

the life lesson

we should all

unlearn:

'It's important to

stay

   happy.'

For the sake

of your

total well-being,

Shake this

expectation

off your back

because it is

emotionally

unhealthy

and

logically

unnatural.

Need proof?

Recall a time

when you were

distressed

about something.

You

approached a friend

and

started to share 

about it.

Your confidante

then 

issues his/her 

piece of mind,

'Hey,

it's okay.

I think it's really

not a big deal.

I know

exactly how you feel.

Just don't 

be upset.

Move on,

cheer up!'

Case dismissed.

Now,

did you

feel 

good?

How about,

 better?

Did you

 magically

become happy again,

bouncing off

like nothing has happened?

*

In situations like this,

it is

stressful

to

not allow 

yourself

to

feel

as you

feel.

When 

you need 

to

vomit,

vomit!

Swallowing

it down

is not going

do you any good.

Negative feelings

are

signs

that are 

steering your attention 

to

something

you need 

to

deal with

or 

 to something

haven't dealt with.

Feeling

is

dealing

when

you become 

aware

of

why 

you feel

what 

you feel.

Sometimes,

we need others

to help us

find the sources

of our

frustration, pain, anger or sadness.

We could

do that

for others 

too.

We could

ask

them

 constructive

questions

instead of

dishing out

our 

intelligent analysis

and

insist 

our friends to

'Cheer up.'

Permit

others to be

sad.

Let them be

human.

We will all

feel

better

after that.

The foundation of

well-being

is 

not

continuous happiness.

Robots

could be programmed

this way.

But 

we are not

machines.

We are just 

not

designed

that way.

It is okay

to be sad

when

you need to be.

Let it out.

Grieve

if you need to.

Bad weather

happens.

Don't withhold

the 

dark clouds.

They do 

get heavier

with time.

Release 

them.

Rain

your tears

to its last drop.

Then 

you might

catch the 

rainbow

at the first touch

of

sunshine.

*



See Deep.

Everyone

looks 

at her

but

no

one

sees 

her.

*

People

want

her

but

few

care about

knowing

her

soul.

*

Beautiful girls

don't

get 

all

 the 

good things

in life.

*



Soul Feast.

[Athar Hussain, Pakistan]

Dear readers, 

this is Valerictorian's fourth year

in cyberverse.

The FAQ's

I get about this website has been,

'Why 

start Valerictorian?'

It is birthed from

frustration.

That was a time when

the 'emo' pop culture was rising

and

eyeliners, black nail polish and skinny guys

reigned the streets.

I was frustrated 

with the 

daily blizzard 

of 

negative blog posts,

the 

mindless, reckless droppings

of 

groundless, homemade philosophies.

The WWW has become a

smelly, black and stagnant swamp;

littered with 

emotional gibberish.

Almost anyone who swims in it

is

 dirtied.

Word by word,

blog by blog,

the

 info sludge has grown

above our heads,

blocking our ears,

burdening our souls

more than ever.

In the midst of clutter,

it's not easy to distinguish

what's 

true and false.

It was messing with the 

minds and hearts 

 of people I cared for.

Our souls 

are always

thirsty 

for some refreshment,

cold 

for some warmth

because

it is easy to be 

heavy

and 

difficult to be 

light.

And

along with those who have already been 

bringing in the much needed rain and sunshine

to 

invigorate 

those around them,

I hope to provide that too

-

not 

with

who 

I am,

but from

who I know,

my relationship with them,

observations of their lives,

and

studies of the words they live out.

I believe

that 

anyone who thinks he knows it all

is a fool for sure

and to 

broadcast inaccurate, misleading digital content

is a 

social crime.

Unsurprisingly,

for I am only 

human,

I must have been guilty before.

That is why in this 

little garden where 

I hope to

invigorate the 

souls of my guests,

the seeds I've been sowing are from

my personal encounters, 

true life observations

and

 thorough readings from established research archives.

In the form of storytelling and visuals,

I wish to broadcast and promote

what I believe would be 

food for our soul

-

nothing else.

Not to 

teach,

for 

I have not attained the gravity to do so,

but to

inform and uphold

what I believe is 

good to know.

Frustration 

has launched me on an endless search

for the

kiss of life.

I simply

enjoy spreading

anything that has benefited me,

in hope

it'd benefit you too.

This desire has steered me 

through 735 pieces of 

writings and visual expression

from which,

as much as I could,

craft them in digestible servings

 to tickle your taste buds

for what is 

truly tasty.

I do not know when would be the end of our feast.

But for now,

welcome to more.

Bon appetit.

*