Broken Daul.

Know your 

breaking point

before it's

too late.

*

Daul Kim

1989-2009

*

 A 20-year-old top South Korean model 

who was a fashion week regular in 

New York, Milan and Paris 

has been found hanged

 in her Paris apartment.

In an Oct. 30 entry on her blog, Kim wrote she was "mad depressed and overworked," and in another entry said "the more i gain the more lonely it is ... i know i'm like a ghost."

[AP]

*

Could someone have 

noticed

the signs of this wounded soul?

Could someone have 

taken time

and

be genuinely interested

 in her,

as a person?

Could someone have

stepped into her world

and

asked the right questions,

waited

and

listened?

Being sensitive

 to people

can save lives.

When

too much trauma 

builds up 

in a person,

especially during his or her

developing years,

unresolved conflicts

would

haunt and decay

the person's soul.

Take a look

at how it's like

and learn two lessons from this Daul's story.

If you're hurting,

open up to someone

who's proven himself or herself

to be trustworthy and wise,

especially someone

 who has

overcome what you're going through.

If you're not,

learn to be sensitive and observant

of the people around you.

People always look okay.

But not everyone is okay

when you look

into their hearts.

Daul didn't just look okay,

she looked fantastic

in her 20 years.

She reigned from a

wealthy family.

She was a straight-As student.

She had a

dream job as a world class model.

Karl Lagerfeld loves her.

Harpers Bazaar awarded her model of the year.

She had credit cards to swipe.

She had many friends.

She had creative hobbies of DJing and painting.

She smiled for the camera everyday.

Rich, smart, gorgeous, popular, independent, productive, creative -

But she was not okay.

There are people

waiting for someone 

to trust,

care enough 

to give them some time 

to listen to them

 share their worst days.

[writings from her blog]

i grew up in singapore, since i was 7 till like 16...

one summer, i went to sailing trip with school friends

and i got very traumatized by that trip

i came back and i did not return to school

i think i was 14? 15? something like that

i was lucky my neighbour was a famous cinematograpaher? artist

and i used to hang out there instead of going to school.

i used to draw at his studio and he would tell me things like

im not really depressed im just pretending so i that i could skip school.


he used to play this song by cibo matto sugar water

on loop

he teached me about marxism and punk culture etc

and wanted to play golf with my dad.


my parents were... kind of horrified


*

all my life i was with demented older intellectuals or artists as boyfriends

respected me, felt sorry for me and also at the same time kinda hated me

they tried to influence me as much as possible .

taught me about a lot of stuff theologically and tried to show me their world

i understood
and related to some.
i felt sorry for them too.
compassion is not love.
and i was a sensitive lover

but emotionally none of their topics
touched my heart.

i wonder if it touched theirs too.

analysis and knowledge makes people feel secure.

but do you really understand?




cos i really don't give a shit about chomsky.

i would rather have a hug


i guess this is why when i see woody allen movies i feel so depressed.


*

i tell myself

im strong.

i dont need to show

my painful past

no one needs to know

the horror i went through

i grew up too quick

and no one, saw past my surface

i dont know how to hurt people

i dont know how to be loved

i dont know how to love

im hurt

but im strong


and im perfect

alone.

im lonely.

what kind of loneliness?

every kind.

i feel disconnected. abandoned.

as always.

repetition

so what my love.

so what.


at first,

i just wanted to run away.

now i have no where else to run to

nothing to run from

i dont belong

anywhere.

i dont want to go anywhere

i just wanted to be happy

*