I Want Light.

[Alan Wong]

Can you spot me?

*

I'm elated to receive a reply
from Sun this morning.

'Hi Valerie,
I'm sooooo blessed to read
what you've done about me...
it brought tears to me.
Thank you...
I really appreciate it.

I'm so glad that you're back home.
Don't ever give up on God
cos He'll never give up on you.'

*
Have you ever loathed
someone and didn't
know why?

That happened to me with Sun
when I was 14-17 year old.

And I realised the reason
after I was plucked out
from my mess after that.

The unknown thorn in my flesh
all these years
has found its name -

Sheer jealousy.

Sun bears the glory
of Someone I've abandoned
yet always desired to be near.

She mirrors him.
Sunshine bright,
breath-taking,
magnificent.

Sun -
what a befitting name.

When you live in darkness
more than a day,
you can't really stand
the sight of someone so bright.

It stings your eyes.
Squint.
Dizzy.
Headache.

I'm very glad
I was determined not
withdraw and hide away.

If you want the light,
don't be afraid of the heat.
Just get use to it.

I put on the sunglasses,
regularly slap on sunblock
and
press forward
to the one I've been yearning for.

Many times,
it's meeting the people
who are near him -
all sorts of them:

The small but powerful megawatt spotlights,
elegant chandeliers,
practical white flourescent light,
modern Zen baubles,
twinkly Christmas lights,
zesty neon beams and
a more.

I told you,
all sorts!

Occassionally,
I bear sunburns so bad
I walk around sore and red
as a lobster.
People walk pass, people know.

Besides those who gawk,
a few friends tip-toed near
and put an umbrella over me.
Once in awhile,
I have to take a plunge at the
nearby pool.

My old skin,
the layers of grime and dirt
accumlated in the times of darkness
soften.
They flake off like scales
and melt away
in the water.

I feel cleaner,
lighter.
New skin.
Soft.
Pure.
Smooth.

I get out of the water
and press on again.

I only keep getting nearer
the light.

Warmth.
Tranquility.

Suddenly,
billows of wind serenade around me.
They kiss my cheeks.
Strong, yet gentle.

Invigorating.

I know you are near

right beside me -

here.

Now,

I can finally see the
rainbow.

It has brought
colours to my world.

*

The next time someone repels you,
ask yourself if he or she
is as Sun was to me.

Then,
choose to stay near
or steer clear.

*