More of You.

Have you ever felt
this way before?

Insecure.
Unstable.
Weak.
Vulnerable.

While you have all,
your soul is bankrupt.
Inside you,
is a bottomless vacuum.
It is black and cold.
Nothingness.

Time wears on.
And your nakedness have grown
intolerable.

You are an uprooted adult tree.
The core of your being
is starving and thirsting
for something -
what,
you still do not know.

Your roots dry up.
The crown of your head
withers.

Your thoughts wane
as leaves.
They are yellowing, weakening
and becoming useless.
You're balding of logic,
vision
and wisdom.
Hope has died.
Purpose has vanished.
Confidence is no more.

In desperation,
you shrink back to
the time you felt safest -
in your mother's womb.

When you have no courage
to move on,

Detour
from Earth
to incubation period.

You slip into default mode.
Curl up
as you were a foetus.

You shut your eyes,
so fiercely.
Your arms hug around
the knees.
And in this tight embrace,
you feel that raging tempest
writhing within.

It has no name.
So you give it a voice.
You open your mouth
and suddenly,
it sounds
like when you were just born.

Terror.
The nightmare rewinds
and plays around you again.
War and chaos break out.
Its cries are blood curdling.
You never knew you
could sound like this.

Have you felt this way before?

*
There's a period,
I would do that
in my closet.

I had no roots in myself.
I was naked for a long time.
It got very cold.

I needed
instant security.

I wanted
quiet and warmth,
even if it was temporary.

In this manmade sanctuary,
I would howl and wail
in great hunger
for a home I could be planted in.
I needed to settle my roots
and let them grow.
I desired
more, more.

Where could I locate
this foundation to
appease this great starvation?

*
I went back to the very beginning,
tracing beyond my home of flesh and bones -
Grandma, mum a
nd even the disappeared Mr. Teo.

And there,
I found my Foundation.

I've found my answer.

He's
the one who knew me
even before when I was in my
mother's womb.

He who bears good thoughts
about me.

He who designs a unique
future and hope
for Valerie.

He who continually
speaks into my life
even before I could comprehend.

He's my Father,
who made me in
his likeness.

Who loves me with a
perfect love
this world can never offer.

Not made of flesh and bones,
heaven and earth will pass away
but his promises
always delivers.

I cannot see him.
But it is amazing that
he is nearer to me
than my very breath.

When I crawl into his embrace,
I can hear his heartbeat -
its rhythm so familiar.
Melody.

I can feel the shape of his form.
His warmth wraps around me.
Perfect love.
I crumble and lose myself.
Breakdown and yet
am made whole.

Suddenly, peace rains down
like at the delivery operation theatre.

Now I know who I
ultimately
belong to.

And only this one,
I will cling and lean on.
He never abandoned anyone who did.
He sees me through all my days.
He never gives up.

He is more than enough
for me.

*

Less of me,
more of you -
'cos I want the world to know

you are who
they've been searching for.

And you're the only one
who can still the raging tempest
within.

*